I vividly remember the day in 8th grade wherein I first heard the term “natural selection”. My teacher explained to us the example of the giraffe which evolved over time to have the long necks we now see because their primary food source was located high in the canopies of the trees where the original short-necked giraffes couldn’t reach. We let nature take its course and giraffes prevailed and all was well in the world once again.
When exactly was the vote to disregard the power and efficacy of natural selection? When did we rock, paper, scissor to see who got to bitch-slap the legacy of Charles Darwin? I think we gave up too soon. At every turn there seems to be signs of intervention to derail the course of nature.
Call me Biblical but I think if you are dumb enough to engage with an alligator you kinda deserve what’s more than likely coming at ya. No better way to be assured of God’s future plans for you than for Him to save you from a gator. Consider thyself blessed and highly favored.
And do we really need to be warned NOT to park our cars on train tracks? Really? I’m of the “fool around and find out” mentality. I mean, even Tom and Jerry covered this in several of their cartoons. Granted, they were mustachioed during the demonstration but even I think, if I let this one rogue chin hair of mine that keeps faithfully sprouting up grow out, I could Trump-comb it up and over my lip to twirl in a dastardly fashion. I digress though.
Blow dryers and bathtubs don’t mix? Whaaaat? You don’t say. If this label isn’t standing right smack in the way of winnowing out ye olde gene pool, I don’t know what is.
My alternative to the “c’mon … we said please” call to action to buckle one’s seatbelt would be “imma buckle up and live. You do you though”
And lastly, the hot coffee warnings on the hot coffee you just ordered yourself. This one smarts because its not just that some folk are a little dense and we have to live amongst them but someone won an actual law suit when her hot coffee spilled in her lap while receiving her order from a drive through. Insane.
In my younger days I use to not waste much time worrying about it because I figured if they couldn’t successfully navigate a “please don’t feed the gators” scenario, ain’t no way they could figure out procreation but damn it all if coitus doesn’t come second nature to the not-too-swift among us.
I’ve tried broaching the subject of Natural Selection with some of my social groups but was stopped short when some thought Natural Light beer had just introduced a new line of top tier hard seltzers I was recommending.
I guess I will have to settle with just educating my children on the works of Mr. Darwin and live our lives in honor of his legacy. I have half a mind to hold out hope for others to join me in my quest but honestly, I’ve seen one too many people wrestle with the whole “push” “pull” signage on doors to bother.