Wanna know what grinds my gears? Well, full transparency – lots of things grind my gears amidst this current season of my life despite me doing my flat, level best not to lean too robustly into the “crotchety” part of being old and crotchety, but front and center this particular day are people who crowd source their lives on social media. And not just to their friend group in their personal newsfeed but in the local community group or the general public at large where it is hit or miss if you actually know someone or just know their mom or kin. When did this become a thing?
You’ve seen it:
“Oh, no! Dinner’s in an hour. What’s something fast and easy I can throw together? And go!”
Then Katy bar the door, suggestions come flying into the dang comment section all fast and furious and I find myself pulled into the suspense and intrigue of this poor man’s crossover between Food Network’s Chopped and Keifer Sutherland’s 24 and, oddly, emotionally invested in the nourishment of this stranger’s family.
“Pull it together people! We can do this. Ma’am … stay with me. STAY WITH ME!! Do you have a protein thawed out? What dietary restrictions or food allergies are at play here? Is there an Instant Pot nearby? If all else fails, what are your current breakfast for dinner options?”
What in the Sam Hill? Lady, you don’t know me. You haven’t vetted me. You probably couldn’t pick me out of a lineup. Have you tasted my cooking? How am I supposed to know the contents of your fridge, pantry, or freezer?
I don’t even think it is the model of crowd sourcing that crawls all over me but the imperial command of “And … go!” There is a marked difference between a post that reads: “Suggestions for a reasonably-priced, reputable local mechanic?” and one that punctuates that same request with a demand. It is flat-out rude and the more we normalize it, the further we remove ourselves from a civilized society. There are already those among us paying perfectly good money for jeans with rips and tears in them and full price for just half a shirt. We don’t need to be uncouth on top of it.
Social Media gets a bad rap and I hate that because I am one who really enjoys it both as a means of being nosey and as some huge data set for a social experiment gone awry. For some, especially during the height of the pandemic, it was a life source for rookie shut ins and not solely for socialization but as a means to receive news and updates. It helps us stay in touch with friends and family far away. It gives us a platform from which to express our thoughts and opinions or share our talents. But it has also made us lazy. There is a perceived efficiency in polling the masses on social media. In one local Facebook group, I recently read a request for the price of a car wash at a newly opened business. Well, first of all, how can you guarantee the accuracy of the information you get back? Second, you could have gone to the business’ Facebook page or – and this is radical – call them. I just requested membership to this Facebook group page. At no time did I sign on to be the keeper of prices or other such tidbits of fun facts nor, I imagine, did anyone else. It feels sort of like when you were a kid and you got your very first Magic 8 Ball and BOOM – all of your decisions were made for you. Just ask the mighty 8 ball, shake it, and then wait for your answer to slowly reveal itself from the mystical blue liquid. It’s not healthy to have such reliance on technology to help us Scooby Doo our way out of tricky situations. Already in the year 2021, you can walk into any restaurant or waiting room and you will see nothing but the tops of people’s heads as they hunch over their phones. I’m a prime offender. I rarely use my phone to talk to people anymore. I prefer texting. One of my biggest fears though is that in ten years time we will see a generation of folks who not just choose to text or to communicate digitally but who are incapable of person-to-person interaction. (I also think Dowager’s Humps are ripe for a comeback and our thumbs are going to evolve into muscular mini-sledge hammers but that might not be how exactly evolution works and is, at best, a conversation for another day).
We can and should view social media as a tool and take ownership of how we use it as well as shoulder the responsibility for the level of importance we allow it in our lives.
While we’re at it, let’s start a contagion of good manners on social media – Make Manners Great Again, if you will. There is a song to teach manners to kids that I love:
Please don’t forget to say, “Please.”
Thank you for saying, “Thank You.”
“Excuse Me” are two nice words, too.
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Oooh … a test. A social media sniff test to see if we want to attach our good names to something. I am a proud member of my local Rotary Club and we end each of our weekly meetings with the 4-Way Test of the things we think, say, and do. I say we could amend that to read “… and post.”
I had a friend once whose engagement with social media was very superficial. He would often read my posts and like them or comment and one day over dinner, he commented that a quote I had posted earlier that day was “very sad” and he wanted to know why I posted it. I never had questioned the “why” before. I had always just posted what I wanted but from that day forward, I became more selective of what I shared and asked myself why.
While we are dusting off our digital etiquette, let’s also all pinky promise to fact check things we share. Or maybe the pinky promise should be not to blindly trust everything we read and to remember that this world is big enough for opposing thoughts and beliefs.
Yesterday I got to have lunch with one of my favorite friends from about a thousand different Sherrys ago. Honestly, it had been 25+ years since we had talked or communicated beyond the exchanging of Christmas cards. In the conversation we got to the part of who else from our time together had we kept up with and there were several that we only had done so via Facebook. Our conversation quickly turned to the pressure some people feel to present a certain image of themselves on social media. To only share the good and the perfect. But that’s not real. Heck, that’s not even the best part of us. Our true depth and beauty are found in our flaws and battle scars. Singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen said it best, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
So … let’s save the crowd sourcing as a last-ditch effort and dust off some of our time-tested tools like using a phone book or using a search engine or asking Siri, Google, or Alexa – or perhaps even a genuine, real-live human being. Be mindful and intentional with your language and how you interact with others in the online world. Our words are powerful and are easily taken out of context when isolated from facial expression and vocal inflection. Be kinder than called for and err on the side of grace… and, go (please and thank you).